Some look at me and say well you go to a private university, drive a jeep (which is a gas guzzler), and I walk to the beat of my own drum... you must be happy, well off, have not a care in the world... I beg to differ. I may go to a private university, drive a jeep, and walk to the beat of my own drum, but my life hasn't always been a walk in the clouds. I was never handed anything... I work for everything I have - I am not handed anything like most people on my university campus. Prior to this summer my life has been a period of storm and stress with the dark clouds constantly lingering near by.
What started as a whisper slowly turned into a scream. Searching for an answer, where the question is unseen. Old friends become strangers between the darkness and the dawn. All of life is a chance, and is the sweetest when at a glance, but I live a hundred lifetimes in one day, but I die a little in every breath that I take. I get lost sometimes… from the pull of the outside world. [But]…I am found sometimes when my reason leaves me… taken over by the pull of the outside world. And here comes the emptiness crashing in. It’s either love or hate I can’t find in between. If I only just begin to understand it, that’s because every time I try to change my mind again it gets me back to where I was. I want to be every ones solution, I want a solution to myself, I want to engage in absolution, I want to absolve with someone else. I don’t know if I taste it in my blood stream or if I am bleeding from the tongue I want to have time to solve theses answers. Whenever these answers never come just Live to shine. Now it’s time for another day and another sun. I want to fight hard against repression, I want to repress the earth make it fold. I want to walk softly with discretion; I want to discretely kick the walls. I don’t know if our souls are like the ocean shouting back colors from the sun. Maybe the sun will hold these answers when these answers never come. Maybe these answers will come marching in staggered formation down the hall. Maybe asking is the cancer that slowly kills us all. Maybe we all receive salvation shoveling out patterns in the sand. Maybe the sand is just a profit kicking discretely in our hand.
Out on the ocean sailing away I can hardly wait ‘cause it’s a long way to go but in the meantime, life is what happens while you’re busy making plans. All you want is what you cannot have [and I’ve been told that], “If you just look around man you see you got magic so just sit back relax enjoy it while you still have it don’t look back on life man, you see you’ve got magic; you don’t want to see tragic because you could be better than that. Don’t let it get the better of you. What could be better than now? Life’s not about what’s better than you. You can be better than that. Don’t let it get the better of you. What could be better than now? Life’s not about what’s better. All the time while you’re looking away there are things you can do man, there’s things you can say to the ones you’re with, with whom you’re spending your day. Get your gaze off tomorrow and let come what may because you could be better than that. Don’t let it get the better of you. What could be better than now? Life’s not about what’s better.” But, all I know is sometimes life can be hard but I should know by now they come and they go. So why, oh why, do I look to the other side ‘cos I know the grass is greener on the other side, but just as hard to mow. Life’s not about what’s better than. All you want is what you can’t have and if you just look around… you see you got magic. So just sit back, relax, and enjoy it while you still have it. Don’t look back on life man and only see tragic.
By now we should know how to communicate instead of coming to blows. We’re on a roll and there ain’t no stopping us now, we’re burning under control. Isn’t it strange how we’re burning under the same sun? By now we say it’s a war for peace, it’s the same old game, but do we really want to play? We could close our eyes, it’s still there, we could say it’s us against them, we can try but nobody wins. Gravity has got a hold on us all. We try to put it out, but it’s a growing flame using fear as fuel, burning down our name. And it won’t take too long cause words are burning same and who we going to blame now? I can close my eyes, it’s still there. Close my mind, be alone. I can close my heart and not care, but gravity has its hold on us. It’s a terrific price to pay, but the true sense of the word, are we using what we’ve learned? In the true sense of the word are we losing what we were? It’s such a tired game. Will it ever stop? Is it not for me to say, and is it in our blood? Or is it just our fate? And how will this all play out? Out of sight out of mind? And who we going to blame? Seems like these walls are down again that same old cold wind is breathing in again. I’ve been afraid like this before. A bottle washed up on your shore, for more… Dealer wins.
[Everyday is not the same …] but hold on because I don’t know when I’ll have to go. You can find me up tonight holding fast I’m trying because look around and I’m flying. My music is a sound that can fill the room I hope one day I can really look and be done with the mess and the constant fight. I dream of a place that I ain’t ever been. Wake up in the morning and I fight again. But every once in a while you might see me smile and when I look around and I’m flying. Some call me a loser, some call me a cheater, some say I’m a selfish untalented dreamer because all I try to do is keep my dream alive, but it’s so hard when you’re working 9-5. I’ve never been afraid to die, but I’m afraid to leave behind the precious life that grows through the sand of times. ‘cause every moment counts from the good times to bad. I don’t have time to envy those that got things I never had ‘cause the one thing most important is the one we take for granted and until your life is on that line, I think it’s the way God had planned it. To open up your eyes and make you realize that to some life is money, but what’s money without life ‘cause all’s I need is the air that I breathe and my friends and family to believe in me. As deep as the abyss where the waters run as the land of the rising sun you know I’m down and even when the odds are against us it doesn’t even matter, nothing else matters. We bleed the same blood, we cry the same tears, we have the same fears, we pass the same years, we see the same skies, we pass the same time, we all live and die ‘cause friends and family was thicker than blood and if you never felt love then I feel for you cuz. Lives pass above us is 747’s. Deceased dwell below us before they go to heaven, deep like the 7 leagues of life intrigues intelligence. Got no time for clutter. You’re late if there’s hesitance put your foot forward and there will be a helping hand. Take a step back and you’re stuck in quick sand ingesting toxins keeps us locked in a mental jail trip. I might fail, oh, and I might succeed whatever the outcome is just keep your faith in me, just believe in me and I will be there.
I see myself in the mirror and I feel safe ‘cause it looks familiar, but I’m afraid to open up my should cause I don’t really know, don’t really know who this person is that’s deep within cause I’m content with not being the “name-brand” man. And people fail to see that [the name brand man] is trivial, insignificant. They’re addicted to material and I’ve seen your kind before. They’re the type that thinks souls are sold in a store, packaged up with incense sticks, with them vegetarian meals. To me, that’s righteous, like these people are fiction, like books, they need to go out to life and look ‘cause… what happens when they take your material? You already sold your soul, and it’s gone. I’m only pretty sure that I can’t take anymore before I take a swing I wonder what I’m fighting for. When I say out loud I want to get out of this I wonder is there anything I’m going to miss, I wonder how it’s going to be. When you don’t know me how’s it going to be? When you’re sure I’m not there, how’s it going to be when there’s no one there to talk to between you and me ‘cause I don’t care.
I’m just going to ride on because I do not walk alone. If I could imagine in the beginning, the colors, and the inaudible melodies… I could see that you’re soon going to be a king without a crown… because I will remember your name and face on the day you are judged by the funhouse cast, and I will rejoice in your fall from grace with a cane in the sky like none shall pass. I realize now that you are not indestructible… you will come crumbling down. As a last request, let it be sung, life the life you love before the monsoon. My sundown is not fire and notice. Oh, because one day I’ll open up and go other ways, I’ll talk out loud and I will not rewind, but right here, right now, you should just send me on my way… this life is like a sinner’s sonnet and I just want to sleep through the static. The beat of life has traffic in the sky where the horizon has been defeated and with that, we will walk away. It’s what I got so let us burn one [candle] from end to end… and I’m lit before I go. If you don’t like my fire then don’t come around because I’m going to burn one down. My choice is what I choose to do and if I’m causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you. Your choice is who you choose to be and if your causing no harm, you’re alright with me so if you don’t like my fire then don’t come around cause I’m gonna burn one down. This life I’ve noticed is a gift… a gift that’s the greatest worth. So I guess before you or I knock it, try it first and we’ll see it’s a blessing and not a curse. I’m just going to follow the beat of life. I’m fighting all my battles; I’m facing all my fears. Now people have looked at me, I look through their eyes and know what they see and I’ve got no right to question them why. I live my life day after day, I try to do good, but there’s something that’s missing, there’s something not there. I’m going to search to find that something somewhere. I’m following the beat of life. You should do the same. So just remember it all, the beauty as well as the flaws, love life.
I want to come out of this before the waves come crashing in on me - just riding into the sunset. Finally Happy.
